Got 30 year old single mother of three drunk last night. Belted out Bohemian Rhapsody with my best friend while grabbing “handfuls” of the bar tender. Fell asleep with my boots on. Best night. Worth the brain damage.
A lot of people get really upset whenever the topic of abortion arises. It’s 2012, people!! I think we need to start looking at the subject in a new light, so I came up with some updated names for Abortion Clinics to “rebrand” themselves.
I’ve been going to this gym, basically across town, because there are the most delicious people working out there. It’s a full 40 minutes out of my way, but I just can’t resist the eye candy. Then it dawned on me… One day I will successfully pick up at said gym, and when he says “So, you live around here?” I’m going to have to cover the sound of me shitting myself, and explain that I basically live in another country, at least 4 streetcar lines away, and that I’m just mentally unstable enough to make the journey just to use a dirty treadmill. I am a genius.
I haven’t eaten carbs or dairy in almost 2 weeks and I’ve been to the gym every day. Spin class tonight. I’m kicking it into even higher gear until my vacation. I want a body tighter than Nancy Grace’s clenched butthole.