Get it? Because I’m hungover. So much so, in fact, that I feel like I’m going to shit out my liver at any moment. - I am not wearing a bra today. - I ate pizza for breakfast this morning. - I start missing my dog within 5 minutes of leaving my house. - My friends are really bad influences on me. - I’ve been slowly sinking back into a horrific sleep pattern. I really hope...
This is your brain: This is your brain on Tequila:
Has allowed me to wake up this morning still drunk. If I did a breathalyzer right now it would set on fire. Don’t be fooled by my beautiful sun dress, I smell like hobo piss.
Happy Friday! In case you missed it, here's a kid... →
Anonymous asked: If a girl tells me she has a ridiculous sexual attraction to me, and thus does not want to be alone with me for lack of selfcontrol, and also has disclosed that she does not know what she wants at all, and has zero time between two jobs to date anyone should I continue to be patient and wait for something, or just go out and date around and hope my feelings disolve?
nicenfroosh asked: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MXgnIP4rMoI
osephj asked: what's your favorite burrito eatery, and what's your favorite burrito there?
angelahelga asked: If I stick a vacuum hose down my throat, will it suck out my unwanted feelings?
northcoastkahn asked: I'm trying to start an 80's glam rock band. Any suggestions?
derekhuff-deactivated20110926 asked: How do I get my funny back on Twitter?
rantingunderthestars-deactivate asked: Since you are Canadian I'm positive you can answer this. How can I educate non-believers on the wonderful world of hockey? I live in Florida, and am a fan of the TB Lightning (even though my heart will always lie with the Sabres) but where I live, there aren't many hockey supporters.
Anonymous asked: What is the absolutely best way to be happy? How do you deal with the haters?
FRIENDS! Ask me some questions-- better yet, for...
I feel like dishing out some juicy, detailed advice-y stuff later this afternoon. I also feel like being both sarcastic and reflective at the same time. It’s a strange combination, but I’m trying to make the best of it. I’m going to the store to buy smokes right now, so you have some time to think about it. I’ll be back in an hour, so brainstorm and ASK AWAY!
The Canucks just tied it up with 13 seconds left.
I think I need a diaper.
I just had an epiphany. While sitting on my porch tonight watching a thunderstorm on the horizon, I was struck with a thread of inspiration. I can’t write it down or tweet about it, so I’ve decided to make a long-overdue youtube video. More to come, stay tuned. G’night tumblrinos.
Watched Blue Valentine Last Night.
WHY DIDN’T ANYONE TELL ME! OH MY GOD! MY SOUL IS BLACK AND MY MOUTH TASTES LIKE DESPAIR!