May 2011
125 posts
April 2011
96 posts
Good News
Called my service provider. They’re going to reprogram my SIM card, so my phone should be back up tomorrow sometime. I know a lot of you have been just DYING to send me sexy nudes, but you’ll just have to wait a little bit longer.
Oh, and shut the fuck up about your iPhones. I’ve drunkenly whipped my Blackberry at a mirror (I thought my own reflection was this girl I hate) and...
Heartwarming Conversation with my Ex today:
Him: “So I hear you write now and shit. That’s cool.”
Me: “Yeah, I guess.”
Him: “You writing a Blowjob Bible? You should write a Blowjob Bible. Other women need to learn your magical ways.”
Anonymous asked: How did you get so many twitter followers?
So Hot Right Now.
The Club Can’t Handle Me.
Because I look like a meth head melting in the heat of the summer of ‘85. A meth head with a penis. A penis covered in Chlamydia. Cute little Chlamydia kisses in the back of a Yugo. <3
Anonymous asked: Habs are going down tonight!! Just like <insert oral sex joke here>.
What's that word...
peanutweeter:
via @Slashleen
Anonymous asked: Knowing that you have a thing for Richard Hammond and watch Top Gear, am I right in assuming that you like cars? If so, what kind? A lot of girls would think a guy is an asshole for liking nice cars.
Bonding Moments with my Father.
Dad: I didn’t even make it 5 minutes on my run tonight before I had to stop and shit my brains out at a gas station.
Me: Eww gas station bathrooms are gross! You should have stopped in the park. Someone would have thought it was a dog.
Dad: Yeah, and they would have been like “I can see why the owner didn’t pick that one up, would have been fucking impossible!”
rodywalker asked: Slashleen,
As a Torontonian, what's your fuckin deal with the habs?
No animosity, strictly curiosity.
As a Torontonian, what's your fuckin deal with the habs?
No animosity, strictly curiosity.
Dickfarts are going into 2nd overtime. I’m naked under my Habs jersey. If that doesn’t make them win, nothing will.
If you look up “rape” in the dictionary it will outline this afternoon’s Tampa Bay victory over Pittsburgh.
First my computer, now my phone.
‘Sploded. Fucking poof. Boom. Gone.
Is this karma for posting all of those racist tweets like 9 months ago? Anyway, I’m all isolated n’ shit. Officially on summer break, looking for a second job so I can travel and replace these useless gadgets. So if you don’t hear from me for a while, that’s why.
I'mma kill me a dentist.
I just had a filling in my motherfucking front tooth, and that’s not the best part! NO FUCKING FREEZING! I think after you break your femur you have an obligation to continuously prove you’re a tough motherfucker. Hahah just kidding. I ran out of the antibiotics I’m required to take an hour before every dentist appointment and they gave me the option of doing it without a needle...
dandandannnn asked: where do you find the hilarious pictures you post? i show them to a lot of my friends and they think I'm some kind of brilliant funny-online-picture finding wiz but I'm really just copying you.
How do I strike out on my own?
How do I strike out on my own?
HEY GUYS!
I started a second blog about animals that look drunk. It’s just a bit of fun. follow it at:
shitfacedanimals.tumblr.com
THANKSSS LOVE YOUUUU
emppalp-deactivated20120423 asked: Hi Slashleen,
JordyHamrick mentioned earlier he may visit me in DC this summer. Should I be worried he's going to make a skin suit out of me? Or make girls hate me? Any other advice would be appreciated.
JordyHamrick mentioned earlier he may visit me in DC this summer. Should I be worried he's going to make a skin suit out of me? Or make girls hate me? Any other advice would be appreciated.
thejoebiz replied to your post:Hey Slash, Been a big fan of yours ever since Joe Rogan retweeted something that you said a while ago. I was curious about your stitches because it seems like you’ve gotten them quite a few times. Where have you gotten them, and what was the cause? Just curious because I’m 31 and have never had any.
Ugh, that’s really sad, but I can’t resist the mocking of bagged...
bargainbasementhowardhughes asked: Hey Slash,
Been a big fan of yours ever since Joe Rogan retweeted something that you said a while ago. I was curious about your stitches because it seems like you've gotten them quite a few times. Where have you gotten them, and what was the cause? Just curious because I'm 31 and have never had any.
Been a big fan of yours ever since Joe Rogan retweeted something that you said a while ago. I was curious about your stitches because it seems like you've gotten them quite a few times. Where have you gotten them, and what was the cause? Just curious because I'm 31 and have never had any.
I'm at work, hungover, in yesterday's clothes and...
derekhuff replied to your post:Slash, What is your favorite animal/vegetable. Randomness is the best. =D
My favorite animal vegetable was Terri Schiavo.
You win. You win at everything.
jordyhamrick-deactivated2011112 asked: Slash,
What is your favorite animal/vegetable.
Randomness is the best. =D
What is your favorite animal/vegetable.
Randomness is the best. =D
10 Interesting Facts About Me:
Most of you probably won’t read this, but I thought I’d post some random facts about myself so you ladies and gents can get to know me a bit better.
10. I am allergic to artificial cinnamon flavoring. Makes my tongue bleed.
9. I have 7 freckles on the side of my left leg that form an almost perfect happy face. It makes me smile every time I look at it.
8. I had my Gallbladder out...
Anonymous asked: If you could have your own theme/entrance music, what would it be?
elleyeah56 asked: If I got a tattoo dedicated to you, what should I get and where should I put it?
2 goals for MTL in 1:37. Those be the ingredients...
Slowly getting back to my old self.
I feel like my tweets are reflecting that. It’s like that movie “How Stella Got Her Groove Back,” only I’m not black and I’m still not getting laid.
